Adrianna Larkin

Upon offering reminders to two different individuals this week to “remember to be compassionate with yourself", I could instantly recall a time I would not have heeded my own advice.

It was less than 9 months ago.

My book “Igniting the Sacred Fire” shares my tale of working in the family business, a custom frame shop and fine art gallery that was purchased by my husband five years earlier, and the day to day demands that often made the self depracating talk soar to new levels.

As human beings we are judgemental creatures, offering thumbs up/thumbs down on what is good and what is bad in our lives, respectively. When something happens that we did not like (bad) the next choice we try to make on the decision tree is that it was either 1. our fault or 2. someone else’s fault.

If it becomes too painful to make it our fault (or we have innate tendancies toward narcissm) then the blame belongs to someone else.

And if self esteem gets involved where we are always questioning everything we are as offering anything of value, then it is always our fault, guilt ensues, and that guilt serves as a replacement for recognizing the sadness for what it is: just a feeling.

Allowing ourselves to feel without assigning it a label of good or bad is the most compassionate gift we can give…and in giving it to ourselves, we can then learn to have compassion for others.

This takes a little practice however–we do after all have more experience judging than observing. With a concious intent, and a desire to grow and become more that what we are, we can fine tune our responses and learn to accept what we feel without having to play the guilt or blame game.

Then like a sculpture that forms from the artists hand, it begins to take shape, gradually developing more definition, until the features all become clear and…

We have created a masterpiece of compassion for ourselves and everyone around us.

I am always thrilled when I get to meet or converse with someone I really admire. On March 31, 2010 I have the pleasure of making public one of those conversations. In a pre-taped interview, Barbara Corcoran, (best known for her regular appearance on the ABC program “Shark Tank") offered some of the best advice for people facing a reinvention at mid-life: doing it in little chunks.

I love that because it so beautifully supports my belief that we don’t need all the pieces to line up exactly as we think they should before we take a leap of faith. (If that had happened, I would have been booked solid for a year before declaring myself a full time performance artist, but chose to declare first and watch as it began to line up.)

What Ms. Corcoran so beautifully shares is the sense of loss we can all have whether our changes come as the result of our own hand or whether they are thrust upon us. It’s O.K. to be unnerved by them and as she freely admits, the sale of a multi billion dollar real estate business does not grant immunity to the loss felt with change.

Someone who can share that kind of personal history, humor, wisdom and courage that it took to reinvent yourself to a career in television (successfully I might add) has a lot to teach us.

And as I am often reminded: there is always more to learn.

I tend to think that our purpose has to be supported by our integrity.

There are a lot of definitions for integrity: everything from keeping promises to “Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code". I have only one definition. It is simple and relies on much less ambiguity:

Do what you say you are going to do - always.

I am not the first one to come up with this or tout it’s virtue. Everyone from Jack Canfield to author Don Miguel Ruiz has stressed the importance of keeping your word.

Promises can be broken, circumstances excused away, words forgotten, and rationalizatios offered, but if in spite of everything that happens you can do what you say you are going to do - ALWAYS - (regardless of the circumstances)you will be remembered. Others will rally to support and do business with you because, there is a known product and simply: they know they can trust you.

All to often we overlook an innocent statement such as “I’ll call you tomorrow” go unnoticed as an opportunity to demonstrate integrity. Granted the world doesnt end if tomorrow becomes the next day, and if your child became ill and that was the subject of your focus, you will be forgiven, however…

What if in spite of all circumstances you made good on your word? How much more does that say regarding your integrity.

There will always be things beyond our control. Circumstances that we just can’t rise above, but when that happens: be the first to say that you will not be able to keep your word and offer somethig in kind to make up for it.

You will be remembered, in the hearts and mind of your clients, business associates, friends and family. You will in fact be remembered if you fall down on your word. So the question only becomes:

How would you like to be most remembered?

Not long ago, I was invited to be a guest on Voice of America radio. My friend Sheryl Lynn invited me to join her on her program “Glow with the Flow” March 11, 2010. I will once again have an on air conversation with a good friend who was there when the “Sacred Fire” CD made it’s debut and has been witness to the evolution of my own Sacred Fire.

“So, what would you like to talk about?” she asked beginning our usual dialogue. With a history of several on-air conversations and a common trait of being well versed in a variety of subjects, this was not an unusual question for one radio host to ask another.

“Passionate Choices” came my reply.

It was automatic. The words were out of my mouth before I could process them and they have been ringing in my ears ever since.

Most people understand (at least in context) what “Sacred Fire” means when I speak about it. That is a good thing, because I can’t always define it. Offering a detailed description for someone else seems a little like trying to describe why they might like chocolate. It is simply: different for everyone.

I can only define my own Sacred Fire: It is the juice, the spark, the mocha in my java that gets me up in the morning. It is the reason I live and breathe and smile. It once seemed like a destination, but I now know it as the continuation of the journey (the only one worth taking, really)…

Then in giving the definition of a Passionate Choice (or choices) the clarity began to reveal itself. Unlike “Sacred Fire", which may seem fuzzy at times (especially if you are in that slightly awkward place of finding yours), “Passionate Choices” can be easily understood by the individual as what feels most “right” to them in the moment. The words do not require definition, but will take each us to our own magnificent place of illumination and warmth where Sacred Fire lives.

I’m sure there’s a song in there somewhere….