After a couple of days of addressing an old issue of an extremely personal nature - bullying - I’m ready to start over with a new topic for this post.

Granted it was an important issue to be addressed and by returning to the more general, positive, and life-affirming topics I have been on these last few years, I now feel it to be the greater service I can offer to all my readers, including those for whom I was trying to advocate.

If our message always remains the same then in fact it starts to take on the effect of mind numbing monotony and soon becomes ignored. So I am mixing it up a bit and returning to the light. I’m starting over to reclaim some of the neutrality I intended to always remain present in my posts.

When I first began to write, neutrality was a sacred cow. I avoided political debates, character assassinations and anything that seemed too polarizing. I simply wanted to offer tools or perspectives for living that could be useful.

While I don’t regret my brief off-trail run which included calling out Patricia Heaton for her inconsistencies and throwing in my own views in on the Affordable Healthcare Act, it is not my intent to be a shock jock, pundit, or political commentator of any kind.

Yet I think my own brief deviation from neutrality has now served its purpose, making the message of “life as music", even more prominent. Dark will contrast the light just as easily as light contrasts the dark…

…and there is no one person who is 100% of either.

I am, by my own declaration, a well intentioned singer-songwriter who does personal development coaching and is rather pleased to have found a way to combine the two. I consider the writing of a blog to be music without the melody line. It hopefully carries the message that we always have the ability to recreate our lives as we desire.

So for all of those who have hung in there with me this far I thank you. It has been difficult to return your comments while continuing to blog, craft seminars, write music, work on a second and third book, perform and coach clients.

That doesn’t mean I appreciate the comments any less, it just means I don’t get to them as often as I would like. So please know I appreciate your persistence, dedication and patience even more than you know.

There have been some general inquiries in many of the comments I received which I can address with a few answers here:
1. I am on twitter, (Adrilark) so you can indeed follow me.
2. I did have an outside designer set up my site therefore I know little about word press, why things look different in other browser’s, how to keep an account from being hacked and how to e-mail my RSS feed (sorry). You can query the designer however at Image-excellence.com.
3. I do have a contact page on my website at www.adriannalarkin.com where a newsletter can be requested. It is actually under the contact tab.
4. I am not an expert on blogging, creative writing or how to forge ideas. I do appreciate that you would ask,and can even understand your desire to hit me over the head with this next statement when I say that it “comes naturally” - kind of like how I feel when my accountant tells me it only took him 15 minutes to prepare a statement that I tried to do all day (numbers are not my forte.)

With those good thoughts I leave you with my sincere gratitude and hold the intention that whoever may come across my words, music or performance, will always receive something that they needed.

Namaste

Dear Patricia

I know you recently received a wealth of backlash for your support of Rush Limbaugh following his comments regarding Sandra Fluke, (for those reading this who may need a reminder, she was the Georgetown law student who pleaded a case for contraceptives being covered under insurance and testified before congress on the behalf of the Affordable Health Care Act.)

Please know Patricia, after reviewing the transcript of the testimony given by Ms. Fluke so that I might become informed about it,(hey now there’s a nice new idea!) I decided I agree with some of Ms. Fluke’s arguments but not all. I would like to offer a demonstraton of how to express a disagreement in a healthy and non personal way:

First: I do believe that medications which offer contraception that are first choice treatment for medical problems (like a cyst) should be covered even when that insurance is furnished by a religious institution.

I don’t agree that a married couple—or anyone else for that matter– who decided they can’t afford contraception should automatically be granted coverage under their insurance. The latter is not a medical issue but an economic one. (Speaking as both a nurse and a longtime married person, I know that prescription contraception is not the only contraceptive choice that can be made.)

My logic is simple: most religious institutions who speak out against abortion allow for some degree of play when the mother’s life is in danger. If a woman’s well being is going to be compromised by the non-receipt of medicines that also provide a contraceptive effect, it strikes me that this falls in the same category.

Those who seem genuinely opposed to the legislation state their issue is the requirement by the federal government for insurance companies to pay (regardless of who contracts with them–even religious entities) and that government doesn’t belong in the bedroom.

While I would agree that government doesn’t belong in the bedroom, I also do not want my spiritual advisor to serve as my gynecologist.

There I said it. No name calling, no personalizing it, no inference of anyone being promiscuous and I even took time to read the transcripts, explore the arguments (pro and con) in order to come to my own conclusion.…it was surprisingly easy Patricia, perhaps you could try it sometime….

The following tweets representing your personal views on Sandra Fluke have since removed from your twitter account, yet remain very easily acquired online. They include such statements as “Hey G-Town Gal: Plz let us also pay for your Starbucks, movie theater tickets and your favorite hot wings combo deal at KFC! Anything else?” and “Hey G-Town Gal: If your parents have to pay for your birth control, maybe they should get a say in who you sleep with! Instant birth control!”.

They continued to escalate with: “If every Tweaton sent Georgetown Gal one condom, her parents wouldn’t have to cancel basic cable, & she would never reproduce – sound good?”

Wow…I knew you said it was difficult to be a Christian in Hollywood. I didn’t know it was equally as difficult while posting tweets! Yet, that comes across loud and clear in your apology to Ms. Fluke.

“Mea culpa Sandra! Wasn’t being respectful 2 u re my tweets as I hope people wd b w/me. Don’t like you being dissed -so sorry,”

Really? “as I hope people wd b w/me”, What I’m getting out of this wonderful abbreviated language is the following: if people would have been with you Patricia, that you would not have apologized and continued on in your rants. Even Rush’s apology seemed better crafted than that…and that last part: you don’t like her being “dissed”….again: really?

I think you must like it a little bit sweetheart, or you would not have felt compelled to jump on the Rush Limbaugh bandwagon.

You seem to put a lot of stock in labels. You have assumed the label of Mother, Christian, and Feminist (to name a few), but I would draw your attention to the most recent one you have added by your poor choices:

That label is “Bully”. Truly, only a bully would be forced to reconsider the value of a targeted personal attack when he or she is left standing alone. (And after Rush had to recant, who did you really have?)

That is not personal Patricia. I’m just going by the definition. I have included it here and you may wish to become familiar with it for future reference.

From Wikipedia: “Bullying is a form of aggressive behavior manifested by the use of force or coercion to affect others, particularly when the behavior is habitual and involves an imbalance of power. It can include verbal harassment, physical assault or coercion and may be directed repeatedly towards particular victims, perhaps on grounds of race, religion, gender, sexuality, or ability.[2][3] The “imbalance of power” may be social power and/or physical power. The victim of bullying is sometimes referred to as a ‘target’.

You made it pretty clear Patricia, that it was indeed Ms Fluke, (not the political views she expressed) who was the direct target of your posts.

If you still need some convincing that you also own the Bully label, perhaps you can make a better connection through the described actions of a bully as referenced by www.olweus.org:

1. Bullying is aggressive behavior that involves unwanted, negative actions .I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say your actions were probably not wanted by Ms. Fluke; Yet, even if she doesn’t find them offensive, know that I do.

2. Bullying involves a pattern of behavior repeated over time. Several “tweets” betray the reality that you made Ms. Fluke a target, not just once, but several times.

3. Bullying involves an imbalance of power or strength. When your commercials aired in my native state of Missouri in 2006 taking a stance against embryonic stem cell research, I was reminded of my dislike for celebrities feeling the need to use their sphere of influence to sway others to their own agenda. Although I was not a fan of your views, I did recognize and appreciate that they were consistent with your beliefs and chosen label of Christian. In that context, I would expect nothing else from you, nor anyone else who had the conviction of those same beliefs.

The only problem is, now I’m not sure what you believe. Yet, you retain that sphere of influence with actions which cannot be understood by the labels you have assigned yourself. Therefore, since there is some confusion, let me offer a few quotes from the bible that clearly spell out the actions of someone assuming a Christian label.

Psalm 34:12-18 “What man is there who desires life and loves many days, that he may see good? Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.”

Romans 2:1 “Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.”

James 4:11-12 “Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?”

2 Timothy 1:7 “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

I tend to think that the rather anemic apology you offered Ms. Fluke was more to preserve your career than genuine remorse. While I believe Rush Limbaugh’s apology was motivated by the same, Rush remains pretty ‘label-light’ and he has some accountability to the people who people who sponsor him (although these are continuing to diminish)

I do not defend Rush Limbaugh, I just expect that among the intelligent masses, his non sequitir rants expose what little awareness he has for anything akin to real issues. He is also being paid (at least for now) to present as outrageously arrogant and self inflating.

You?…not so much.

So even if you were commenting to draw attention to yourself and pump up your career, you may want to pay attention to this last quote from Joshua 1:8:

“This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.”

I have to believe Patricia that while it may be difficult to be Christian in Holllywood, it can be made much easier by actually following the doctrine. At least then, everyone else will be able to see your desired label too.

Recently, I produced a newsletter that referenced my high school experience with bullying. I have reprinted it again at the end of this post. If you read it you will see that the focus was to be kept on the light side. I am after all a personal development coach who uses music in the delivery of her message, so “up beat” is what I strive for. But I have since come to an all important conclusion:

There is nothing “up beat” about being terrorized - Period.

The reason for reprinting the newsletter here is simple: In my attempt to give a historical reference and communicate the power we own to create new circumstances even many years later, I evidently touched a common nerve for a host of adults who remain impacted by the bullying experience they had as teens.

Which makes me think, although weak enough to require numbers (bullies seldom ever confront one-on-one) the shelf life of their actions has no expiration date. It is strong enough to last years and even a lifetime. And tragically, because their actions are so damaging…

that lifetime may be made very short.

I am 35 years out from my high school days and just recently recognized I still carry “stuff” from that experience….and I am one of the lucky ones, having not only survived, but also having acquired the tools to process the “stuff".

In truth, if I had my own experience in the same environment that most teens have today of being connected electronically 24/7, I’m not certain I would be here to craft this post.

Which led me to think: How many of our “beautiful minds” are we losing to this tragedy? The people I know from my mailing list who read between the lines, offered their own experiences (and sympathies) could still be termed eclectic for many of their lifestyle choices; yet, they included people from the medical profession, motivational speakers, accountants, artists, writers, managers, and teachers–all with the ability to “think outside of the box” when it comes to problem solving and innovating.

I just don’t think our planet is in a position to withstand any more withdrawls from the brain trust of those who dare to be different.

And, unfortunately, it is the “different” that will often become bully-bait.

As the result of my newsletter, one recipient forwarded a trailer to a movie due to be released at the end of this month called “Bully” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjjeHeAzZZM . It is asking for signatures to reduce it’s “R” rating to a “PG-13″ so it can be shown in middle schools and high schools.

I have signed already…and now am sharing an appeal for others to do the same.

The trailer sent to me reports an estimated 13 million kids will be bullied this year and although we can strengthen legislation, put mandates in place and do all those other things designed to introduce an element of sanity into our society, we can’t legislate attitde, and we can’t mandate to indifference.

This movie needs to be shown in schools for its ability to help victims understand they are being heard and offer perspective to the perpetrators that they can make another choice.

It needs to be shown so that those immune or lucky enough not to have had the experience of bullying, know they can save a life simply by standing shoulder to shoulder with someone who is facing 2 to 1, 3 to 1, or in my own case 4 to 1 odds. (A level playing field does much to help bullies rethink their actions.)

It needs to be shown so that those in the position to take action know full well, beyond any shadow of a doubt, the damage being done and become accountable when not committed to ending it.

In the newsletter post I have included here, I end the story with the line that “action…prefers company". Perhaps this is true, but sometimes, when the stakes are really high as they are here: action requires company to leverage its success.

******************Newsletter from February 29, 2012****************

Living on Purpose: History Rewritten © 2012 Nancy Herold

While meditating a few weeks ago, I asked to be shown anything that might be hindering my personal and or professional growth. What followed was a bit cryptic, as I was simply told: “Heal the past”.

I wasn’t really sure what was left in my past that I had to heal, thinking I had done all of my forgiveness work. Evidently there was still some “goo” hiding in the corners I had missed while doing my spiritual house cleaning. And I was getting a sense that this wasn’t going to be as simple as a left over smudge-of-a-grudge.

No, this was different.

I’ve learned over time that when intuition calls us to action, that the action itself never travels solo. Opportunity always calls “shotgun”. I wasn’t too surprised then when my friend Sheryl called from the east coast less than two hours later and we ended up discussing our common experiences of being outcasts in high school

Yep, there it was: high school…Just the mention of it wielded an involuntary wince that was joined by a flow of uncomfortable memories.

Like many people I know, my high school days were less than magical. As a social outcast who was regularly taunted for being different (I was the only Jewish kid in a conservative farming community of 2500) what I experienced would meet the current definition for “bullying”. Forget a social life, most days I felt lucky to survive.

As Sheryl and I compared notes we came to the realization that even more than three decades later, we still retained a desire for a different high school experience, especially when it came to social things—like friends and going to dances.

“I didn’t go to my prom” I said.

“Neither did I” she replied, adding: “Did you know there’s a bed and breakfast in Tennessee that hosts ‘prom’ for people of all ages as one of their events?…”

My mind started churning. How fun would that be—especially if we could meet there? It was sort of a mid point for both of us. We started to talk…and plan: what to wear and what to bring. I made reservations…..

Then Sheryl announced she wouldn’t be able to make it. Although disappointed, I felt no less committed to going. In fact I decided this was a symbolic gesture perfectly timed to help me rewrite my history and heal the past. I was on a noble mission, attending this dance for all the wounded teenage souls: past, present and future.

My husband Mike—whom I had asked to be my date since it was a leap year—once again demonstrated his good nature, sense of humor and natural ability to look darn good in a tux. We danced, we laughed, and before the night was done we would be crowned queen and king of the 40 or so guests who attended.

And although I felt no different upon my return, I had to trust that the exercise gave me what I needed. It certainly reinforced my perception that as long as we’re breathing: it is never too late to create the experience we want. Little did I know by acting on the only means I had of replacing a painful memory with a good one, that something else had been stirred to show up that was just as eerily timed….

After 25 years of zero communication with anyone from high school, I received an e-mail from David (a former classmate) in the same week following my return from Tennessee. He let it be known he had been searching for me for the past decade. Having finally located me via copyrights for my music which carried my maiden name, he invited me to call him—assuming, that is, that I remembered him.

I remembered him quite well. David and I shared common clubs and activities. Although joined together by music and other interests, David’s upbringing was evangelically Christian and extremely conservative, while I had just been transplanted from a suburban, liberal—and Jewish—community. Although I liked him, I had ruled out the possibility of a closer relationship due to our apparent differences. Moreover: I was never really sure he how he felt about me.

But recognizing my hesitancy to have a phone conversation with him as a cardinal sign of a past yet to be “healed”, I called.

In what became a very lengthy conversation, David revealed many of his experiences in that small town high school which paralleled mine. He too had been bullied—oddly enough for being more conservative than his peers. Putting pieces together it became apparent that the common denominator for both of us was a refusal to “run with the pack”, choosing instead adhere to parental guidance—which included being nice to people.

We paid a high price for being “good” kids.

In the time that we spoke, we determined it was the same group of kids who had tormented us both, along with anyone who refused to join them in taunting others. Suddenly I had a whole new perspective. Though harassed for the way I looked, my last name, my religion and a host of other things too personal and numerous to mention, it was becoming apparent that it wasn’t about who I was, but what I did.

Both of us in fact had been targeted for our consistency of actions, which meant—at least for me—that it was a difference in values that had garnered us the unwanted attention…and therefore never personal to begin with.

But there was more, a sort of icing on the cake. I was now connected with one person from that era who offered something akin to esteem: “You were the closest thing I had to a best friend in high school.” David said, adding he could talk to me easily about almost anything. “And I always admired you as a musician – you were so good.”

A well of memories began to unfold…the better ones that had been overshadowed by the pain. David had been one of the first people to greet me after I was uprooted from my familiar turf and transplanted to my new surroundings. We had held summer jobs at the same location and he was among the few (in addition to being the only guy) to attend my 16th birthday party.

As if to acknowledge where our past experience had placed us, we realized that both of us had arrived in the arena of personal growth and development, committed to helping others create positive outcomes from challenging situations. Could it be that the energy stirred by going to prom, opened an avenue for my conversation with David? If nothing else, I realized exactly how my experience from high school helped to flavor who I had become.

These days, I know I can live with any judgment of being different while remaining true to my instincts. In fact this was a classic example of how acting on intuition, yielded unexpected bonuses. In a quirky and unorthodox trip to the past, I had opened the door to another experience, resulting in a new perspective generously handed to me by an old friend.

“Action”, it would seem…really does prefer company.

Branding is something that has become a bit of a buzz word in the business community. Look it up online and you’ll get as many definitions for it as you will Google entries relating to its importance.

In spite of the many and varied descriptions, most people get what branding is, just as they “get” the meaning behind the brand itself - that is if the branding was done effectively. (I offer “Disney” as an example, being perceived by most people as a source of wholesome, youth-oriented entertainment.)

Branding implies ownership. Using the illustration of cattle ranches, ownership was expressed by marking that property with one’s brand: a symbol that was created uniquely for the entity using it to express where and to whom that property belonged.

So branding (I’ve decided) speaks as much to location as it does identity….

After writing a song called “Sacred Fire” (which can still be purchased, as well as viewed on YouTube and on my website: www.adriannalarkin.com), I was so taken with the concept of an intrinsic spark of Divine energy fueling the whole human machine, that I expanded the concept to explain my journey as a book called “Igniting the Sacred Fire, Reinventing Yourself at Any Age” (also available on the website as well as www.Amazon.com)

From there I went on to host a radio program called “Sacred Fire Living: Creating the Life You Want, Using the Gifts You Already Own” and had the good fortune to feature nationally and internationally known teachers and authors. It was a great platform to from which to help others begin to believe in their own innate spark so they too could live “on purpose".

“Sacred Fire” and all that it carried both in context and by definition could be understood then from all of my products, as something universal, something global, something that was, at least in this instance, beginning to look a lot like my brand.

…with one small problem:

It had neither a specific location nor was it exclusive to my identity. In fact it were exclusively mine, then it would be in direct opposition to what I was trying to communicate: we all have this amazing and beautiful spark of the extraordinary within us.)

Paradoxical isnt it?

My book recounts the “how” I came up with Sacred Fire as an anthem title as well as the “why” it was chosen to symbolize the divinity in human potential. And while I do not feel that I “own” the term in the traditional sense of a brand, it has become a symbol of my identity (one which I gladly share) and a location of where I am (that has nothing to do with geography).

In Part two, I will talk about the different definitions given by the various peoples through time and land mass who reference “Sacred Fire” as an intrinsic part of their human-Divine experience…which just is another reason I’m singin’:

“This brand is your brand..this brand is my brand, from California… to the New York Islands…”

Namaste

True to my belief that we are always evolving, I am no exception. After 14 years I am retiring my stage name of Adrianna Larkin. The name that once offered a protective anonymity while performing music in clubs and raising a young son as a single parent, is no longer needed.

It was not a decision that was made lightly. I gave it a lot of thought. Although I would not be the first artist to take on (or take back) a different name, reverting to my real name of Nancy Herold had to be considered carefully. Nancy is after all a fairly common name—and frankly one that I would not have chosen for myself.

Then there was the daunting task of having to rename all past projects written and recorded under the stage name of Adrianna Larkin. But the real truth be told, although I had chosen to go by a different name for practical reasons, I had enjoyed choosing a unique enough name that let me stand out in a crowd.

That is what we artists like to do.

The story of how I chose the name was pretty straightforward. The last name of Larkin was the one I arrived at first. I shared with those who knew of my secret identity that it was symbolic of the songbird, and I hoped it would carry the association of that for my audiences.

For me however, it had a double meaning. I had arrived at being a singer-songwriter in a truly accidental way: I was only trying to teach myself to play guitar. Although I had a wonderful time doing this, songwriting came so easily that I couldn’t take it seriously. It seemed like ridiculous play. In other words, the whole thing was a “lark”.

The first name of Adrianna was chosen in remembrance of my father. Adrian in Hebrew means “the dark one”. While most often used to describe coloring, it also offered a double meaning for me that symbolized one who remained in the shadows and had a secret life. I learned to enjoy being somebody else on stage, yet inserting my own character as I crafted my performance.

That is what we artists like to do.

But the career took a rather interesting turn. In writing a book on reinvention, I became eager to share the story of my return to music and finally accepted my ability to help other people with it. As I expanded my “motivational performance” to group and one-on-one coaching sessions, the baggage of a professional pseudonym created a somewhat awkward (not to mention less than authentic) platform from which to teach other people about coming to terms with who they are.

A discussion with my friend Sheryl Lynn would give me all the direction that I needed. As I explained the name dilemma, she cast her vote for Nancy Herold . “I like her…Nancy Herold ROCKS!. She has guts and heart..AND humor”, adding: “Do you know what ‘Nancy’ really means?”

“It means ‘grace’” I replied.

Sheryl Lynn continued, “And the arrival at a state of grace is what spiritual studies teach us to be the ultimate goal…”

I offered my defense that I never liked the name Nancy. Moreover in the early days of my nursing career, “Nancy Nurse” had a bad connotation: It meant incompetence.

“And how did you arrive at ‘Adrianna Larkin’?” she asked.

Once again, I retold the story shared countless times with others on how the choice was made—as well as the double meaning that both names had for me.

“So let me get this straight…” she began, “As a ‘motivational musician’ who mentors others on how to regain their ‘sacred fire’, you exchanged a name that represents the highest spiritual outcome, for one that has you hiding in the shadows and treating your career like a joke…”.

She then followed with the knock-out punch to bring it all home, adding: “And how’s that workin’ for you?”

I had no defense—or desire to acquire one—after that. My path became quite clear. A good look at the original reasons for taking a stage name revealed conditions that no longer existed: I have remarried. My son is grown. In taking this bold new move, I believe my own growth becomes more evident as well.

In time there will be a new website titled “Sacred Fire Living”, because it’s not all about me, it’s about what I can potentially offer as the highest service through the vehicles of music, speaking, performance and writing.

In time, all books and CD’s (even those that bear a name intended for a secret life) will be offered under one name only: that of Nancy—because Nancy is who I’ve always been and…

That is what we authentic folk like to do….